For those of us with the teeniest bit of lack of understanding when the computer plays up.

I was having trouble with my computer.

So I called Richard, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

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A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, “ I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.”

The driver says, “Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.”

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: “Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”

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Two irish ducks crossing the road. The one at the back goes ” Quack, quack”.
The other one turns round and says, ” Fer fecks sake, I’m going as quack as I can.”

I’ve seen it all now …. tree stump worship on church grounds in Co. Limerick.

Hundreds of people are flocking to St. Mary’s Church grounds in Rathkeale, Co. Limerick to pray and touch a willow tree stump which people are claiming depicts an image of the Blessed Virgin Mary herself.

Candles have been lit, multiple rosaries recited and a 24 hour vigil has been mounted to ensure that nobody removes the offending tree trunk!

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A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, “Are you ready to find Jesus?”

The drunk answers, “Yes, I am.” So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him up and asks the drunk, “Brother have you found Jesus?”

The drunk replies, “No, I haven’t found Jesus.”

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, “Have you found Jesus my brother?”

The drunk again answers, “No, I haven’t found Jesus.”

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again — – but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, “For the love of God have you found Jesus?”

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
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“Are you sure this is where he fell in?”

Demolition Call

Demolition Call is courtesy of Magpie via Grannymar.

You’ll enjoy it. Tis a good one!

Thanks Magpie.

Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in Paddy’s mini-van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out “Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!”

Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in ecstasy.

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