MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS IN THE SOUTHSIDE OF DUBLIN

NAME:
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(if longer, please continue on a separate sheet)

SCHOOL: __________________________________________

DADDY’S COMPANY: _________________________________

1. Julian smashes up the old man’s cor, causing x amount of damage and killing, loike, three people? The old man asks his local TD to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of y. The difference between x and y is three times the life insurance settlement for the three dead people. What kind of cor is Julian driving now?
2. Chloe’s personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own?brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Chloe doesn’t even notice the difference. Is she, like, thick or what?
3. Roly fancies the orse off a certain number of torts, but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14 Rohypnol, how is he ever, like, going to shag the other two?thirds and shit?
4. If Savannah throws up four times a day for a week she can fit a size 8 Versace. If she only throws up three times a day for two weeks, she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce et Gabbana.. How much does liposuction cost?
5. Alexander is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners, however he only has access to the Hoover every third week. When does his Sunday Independent column start?

Bogger Leaving Certificate Mathematics exam paper tomorrow (covers me ‘cos I’m outside the Pale)!

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